The Kansas City Blues

got the Kansas City blues

wishing it never happened

waiting for closure

Photography, The Family Circle

The Infinite Reflections

Hello World

the double vision

the infinite reflections

the sleepless photog

Life, Photography, Shadows, Urban Landscape

Wordless Wednesday

_IGP0570_1705 _IGP8319_2023 shadows_series_paint_stain


Everything is reflective
at the mall
consumer vanity
capitalistic insanity
a mirrored calamity
overpriced merchandise
who makes the $50 t-shirt?
who makes the plush princess puppies?
my conscience is riddled with guilt
I am the consumer
one of millions
eating away at the ozone
one stuffed animal at a time
typing poems on my Chinese made laptop
sharing it on my Chinese made iPhone
there is a good chance that you are reading this
on a device made in China
how can we look at ourselves
in these mirrors
without feeling slightly disgusted?
that is how I feel anyway
I feel like none of us really care
and that is sad
and does not bode well for the future
of this planet


Waiting For The Elevator


Me and My Shadow

weaknesses and flaws
repressed personality
hidden in shadow

light cannot reach here
the shadow is my dark-side
the wild unknown

the monster inside
a vision in a dream world
dark and exotic

disappear shadow
my everyday persona
protects me from you


Me and My Shadow


Goodbye Thirty Something. Hello Forty.

Forty years alive.
Four decades of existence.
Is there Forty more?



Extraocular Muscles


I keep waiting for something brilliant to just burst out of me, but all I’m left with is this. My damaged brain, still telling me there is two when I know in my heart there is just one. How can I trust my brain when it is always telling lies?

Seeing double is my reality. I have never seen the world any other way. If I open my eyes and relax the whole scene is repeating itself just slightly above the original image skewed diagonally to the upper left,

I see 20 fingers, 6 lights on a stop light, two stop signs, two screens, two keyboards, two shutter buttons, 4 eyes, 4 ears and 2 heads.

I see double. I see your alternate self when you see me in public. Eye contact is such a struggle for me, and double vision is a causal factor. I know how it looks to other people. It’s as if I am talking to air, similar to the way a person with a Bluetooth headset might fool you into thinking they were talking to you.

It confuses people when we try and have a conversation. It’s this whole other conversation I have to have before I can get to the point I wanted to make.

This fact has made me become increasingly less adept at social situations then your average straight eyed person. I think the repetition is what did me in. How many times have I had the conversation with drunk assholes about my lazy eye? How many self deprecating jokes about it over the years? I’ll turn 40 this February. That’s at least 35 years of struggling socially with my stupid eyes. It has shaped me into what I am today.

People have the capacity for hate just as much as they do for love. People will literally hate you for your imperfections. Some folks just never grow up, never mature. I have had grown men ridicule me about my eye The exact same way I remember it from the elementary school bullies.

It brings me down sometimes. I can’t help it. Being imperfect gives you x-ray vision. Ignorance presents itself much more frequently. Maybe that’s a good thing. The way I can see the worst in people before I really even speak to them. Early detection is key in avoiding assholes.

No matter how much I want to believe that most people are inherently good, I am always presented with evidence to the contrary. Nothing is shocking.

Virtual reality scares me, but at least here I don’t have to explain to you why I won’t look you in the eye. I’m judged by the words I communicate and not my weird eyes.

So that’s my problem. My eyes are a constant nuisance and distraction and I’m still hung up on that. We are social beings and I’m cursed with awkwardness in that area. It affects every second of every day that I am alive.

The worst of it is, I shouldn’t even be feeling this. I should be grateful that I can see out of my fucked up eyes. Some people are blind. Some people have disfigured faces, missing limbs, or life threatening illnesses.

I should be grateful for what I have, and I am, but I am only human.

I’ll end with this thought. It’s almost two in the morning. While typing this into my phone I can actually hear my neighbor snoring through the bedroom wall. I’ll take that as a sign it’s time to shut it down for the night.

I always say, why write a diary if no one is going to read it? And so I tell you these thoughts. Good Night.


Seven Haiku

2:08 ante meridiem

Sound input through ear
Chosen not incidental
The white noise kills me

Not sleeping at all
Mesmerized by crazy world
Unproductive rut

Eyeballs behind dust
Irritated Irises
And droopy eye-lids

All the indecisiveness
I paralyze me

One more song to hear
Block out the reality
For a moment more

I’m not ready yet
Let me stay a little while
Just a moment more

Reality crash
Mortality disappoints
I will live and die


Seven Haiku


Tree Hugger

a self portrait


Tree Hugger


The Sounds of Silence

Pinhole Self Portrait

The whirring of the fan beneath the outer layer of the computer

The fan over the dining room table wobbles and groans in an upbeat tempo

The refrigerator hums and chortles as it kicks into it gear

The drone of an airplane motor can be heard passing overhead

The tippity tap of my fingers typing ever present

Every so often my breath skips a beat

I scratch my beard and the side of my head

Pop my knuckles

And belch under my breath